PMS nearly destroyed my LIFE

PMS also known as Premenstrual Syndrome. You don’t see it, you most likely do not realize when it happens, but yes, it is REAL.

Well, it is part and parcel of being a women, but if one does not know enough to manage it, it can really break a person’s life like how it did to mine.

If I try hard enough to remind myself of my years of struggle:

-Screaming at my boyfriend for not understanding

-Saying WORDS that I will never imagine an angel like Mary would

-Crying and sobbing like a kid when things just doesn’t go my way

-Everything he does seems to upset me and I am so sure the problem is HIM and not ME

Do you know what’s the problem with PMS? Most of the time, we don’t realize when it strikes. Believe it or not, I suffered 2 years of WORLD WAR 3 with my ex-boyfriend (LOL. He is my hubby now) and I didn’t know why. We would argue and argue and argue. I would be upset, all the time.

What we do not realize is that when we are suffering from PMS, ¬†usually the problem is not the people or the circumstances around us. The problem is US. And it takes a LOT of effort to recognise it. SIGH. Cause you just wouldn’t believe it. You are so emotional over something and somebody that has hurt you. You are just so sure it is him to be blame.

I remembered one occasion:

I was having a phone conversation with my bf. Probably a serious one and an important one to me, I guess. I don’t remember the details. I think he was busy with work. So when he was done with the conversation, he said he is busy. And then he hung up, without saying goodbye. Immediately I was filled with fury! I am talking to him about something important to me, and he hung up! He should have said ‘bye’! At least a ‘bye!’ How RUDE. OH GOSH! And I called him back and scolded him. And I was so INCREDIBLY UPSET and MAD.

I remembered that I was constantly upset with him. Something he said. Something he did. Something he forgot. I was upset. Maybe it wasn’t constant. Maybe it was a few days in a month. But it was enough to break us. It was enough to kill us. Bitter. We were so bitter.

What happen to the girl he once LOVE? What happen to the happy and cheery and lovable girl?

I recalled 2 years of HELL with my bf in the midst of happy moments of course. It can’t be constantly a hell of a time, right?

And after two years of hell, I don’t know how I managed to find out. I sat down alone in my room, and talked to God. And I reflected on myself. And then I reflected on our relationship. And I realized, I was not really consistent for the reasons I get mad at him. There are times, when he did the same, and it didn’t disturb or hurt me one bit. And then instances when he repeats it, I will be sooooo angry! So I figured, it wasn’t him. It has been me, all along. Me? All along? Me? Me? Really?

Then I met up with my bf and talked to him. I told him that I think I am suffering from PMS. And it gets me mad. It wasn’t him.

And then after that, whenever I am full of FURY, I take a deep breath, and I told him, I am mad. I sat down in a corner, and started crying (Yes, literally!). And for once, he didn’t run away into his cave, like he usually did. He came up to me, and hugged me and comforted me.

There were times, that I was upset and out of control, and I didn’t want to believe that it was PMS. It’s kinda spooky. Cause when I go through it, it felt like as if I was being possess. I was so emotionally sure that I was right and everything else is WRONG. I was so certain about it. Yet, I need to tell myself, it’s not true. It’s just me. Just me.

Discovering what I suffered from and learning how to manage it, has liberated me. And of course, protected the people I love. But it is easier said than done. Truly, mind over matter. MIND over MATTER. I have to be REALLY, rational.

My advise: Ladies, do make effort to recognize it if you do suffer from it and communicate with your love ones. It really takes strength to manage it and not hurt the people around you. Men, seriously, it may be very difficult for some to handle it. Your understanding and patience matters.

Seriously, I wouldn’t know what will happen to me, to us (hubby & I ), if I didn’t discover or recognize it. But somehow, thankfully, I did. It is PMS. It still visits me. I still go CRAZY at times. I have to fight it, before it kills the people I love, and then, eventually myself.

 

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